This was written some time around November of 2006; my senior year of high school.
Opening my eyes for the first time
Surrounded by what, I was too young to know
I took my first breath of the cold air
And was greeted with disbelief
I was declared 'defective'
I was not programmed to do such
It was an art that was best lost
With the turn of a screw
I became like everyone else
Our dark city was my prison
Living in a black and white cube
Hunched over my grey slate
Confined even more within four tall walls
Gray as Death, Silent as Night
Alone, staring into the void
Alone, with no back to guard me
n time, I was exposed to others
Others claiming to be more advanced
Others who could calculate, navigate
Make war, and speak with ease
When I was asked to demonstrate
My own unique design
The screw loosen in fright
And I would breathe
The joy of breath, I cannot describe
At once, things began to operate
Able to spin histories of untold and unknown
Inside my oiled and iron-cast mind
I was feared
At my carefully constructed history, they laughed
Back them with fact, they said
And sadly I could not
Forced again, I tighten the screw
Ceasing the happiness it brought
I spent my days in silence
Carefully working over my grey slate
Alone, I worked into the night
The more I worked –
The more I breathed –
That feeling of breath
I could not ignore
Like some had an obsession for success
Like some had an obsession for perfection
I was possessed to breathe
And to get more of it
The others were not blind to me
The more I breathed –
The stranger I became –
They were afraid… but…
I felt the change in me enthralling
One night while working over my grey slate
I heard anger outside the walls
Sharp voices and piercing gazes
Fire all around –
Pain and sorrow all around –
Machine gun fire through my door
And the great iron juggernauts assaulted
Mechanical arms reach out for me
Reach out with arms like knives
Their eyes targeted about me
With titanic voices condemning me
The others surrounded me
With unfurled iron fingers
Pointing at me accusingly
I am trapped within two cages
And there is nowhere to go
Accepting defeat, I succumb
I'm awake again
In a cold dark room
Where the buzzing of saws
The humming of the drill
Entices me to fall asleep
And I try to relax
I find I cannot
I panic –
I cannot breathe –
They have removed my breath from me
Configured again!
Like all the rest!
Lifting my iron-coated hand
Hinges in my five attachments
Stiffer than they were before
Bending at the steel elbow
Mechanical now –
Slow and mechanical now
Everything becomes clear
I can calculate, navigate
Make war, and speak with ease
But in that something's lacking…
I have died.
Died like all the others
My skin cold as ice
The fire dying down
But in my fire remain the embers
The last of my desires
Smoldering –
Glowing –
I feel them dying down
Where there was once an inferno
There are only ashes
Inside that cold metal casket
From deep within
Where there once was
That tender beating
Absolute silence –
The image of death –
All sensation stopped
It was still fresh in my mind
And I could not let it perish
That, I would not deprive
When the others thought me normal
The normal of machinery
The normal of monotony
Like a wind-up doll
Screw wound and released
Clockwork, I leave the prison
And I am thrown into this mass array
Called 'the World'
Aching grow weary
Plead, though I do
Never was I accepted
Into that society
Like mindless assembly
Never would I accept
That heartless society
That army of steel
Alone, and alone again
I walk silently down
Digitally paved streets
Of blackest titanium
Surrounded by tin trees
And steel butterflies
Technology in the masses
Observing the others
(if that is what I can call 'drones')
Run back and forth…
Back and forth –
Pendulum of life
A swinging guillotine
All of them succumbing
In life –
To what the afterlife does bring
And I …
I am configured
Conditioned –
To live my life
As if it were a second.
Apathy, indifference –
I do as I am told
… but what I am told
I feel I cannot do.
Such waste!
Such waste of life!
Designed not to be eternal
Yet slave for eternity
With only mortality
At your dispense
And slave impractically
Is that what is 'reality' ?
I hope that is not so…
Opening my eyes for the first time
Surrounded by what, I was too young to know
I took my first breath of the cold air
And was greeted with disbelief
I was declared 'defective'
I was not programmed to do such
It was an art that was best lost
With the turn of a screw
I became like everyone else
Our dark city was my prison
Living in a black and white cube
Hunched over my grey slate
Confined even more within four tall walls
Gray as Death, Silent as Night
Alone, staring into the void
Alone, with no back to guard me
n time, I was exposed to others
Others claiming to be more advanced
Others who could calculate, navigate
Make war, and speak with ease
When I was asked to demonstrate
My own unique design
The screw loosen in fright
And I would breathe
The joy of breath, I cannot describe
At once, things began to operate
Able to spin histories of untold and unknown
Inside my oiled and iron-cast mind
I was feared
At my carefully constructed history, they laughed
Back them with fact, they said
And sadly I could not
Forced again, I tighten the screw
Ceasing the happiness it brought
I spent my days in silence
Carefully working over my grey slate
Alone, I worked into the night
The more I worked –
The more I breathed –
That feeling of breath
I could not ignore
Like some had an obsession for success
Like some had an obsession for perfection
I was possessed to breathe
And to get more of it
The others were not blind to me
The more I breathed –
The stranger I became –
They were afraid… but…
I felt the change in me enthralling
One night while working over my grey slate
I heard anger outside the walls
Sharp voices and piercing gazes
Fire all around –
Pain and sorrow all around –
Machine gun fire through my door
And the great iron juggernauts assaulted
Mechanical arms reach out for me
Reach out with arms like knives
Their eyes targeted about me
With titanic voices condemning me
The others surrounded me
With unfurled iron fingers
Pointing at me accusingly
I am trapped within two cages
And there is nowhere to go
Accepting defeat, I succumb
I'm awake again
In a cold dark room
Where the buzzing of saws
The humming of the drill
Entices me to fall asleep
And I try to relax
I find I cannot
I panic –
I cannot breathe –
They have removed my breath from me
Configured again!
Like all the rest!
Lifting my iron-coated hand
Hinges in my five attachments
Stiffer than they were before
Bending at the steel elbow
Mechanical now –
Slow and mechanical now
Everything becomes clear
I can calculate, navigate
Make war, and speak with ease
But in that something's lacking…
I have died.
Died like all the others
My skin cold as ice
The fire dying down
But in my fire remain the embers
The last of my desires
Smoldering –
Glowing –
I feel them dying down
Where there was once an inferno
There are only ashes
Inside that cold metal casket
From deep within
Where there once was
That tender beating
Absolute silence –
The image of death –
All sensation stopped
It was still fresh in my mind
And I could not let it perish
That, I would not deprive
When the others thought me normal
The normal of machinery
The normal of monotony
Like a wind-up doll
Screw wound and released
Clockwork, I leave the prison
And I am thrown into this mass array
Called 'the World'
Aching grow weary
Plead, though I do
Never was I accepted
Into that society
Like mindless assembly
Never would I accept
That heartless society
That army of steel
Alone, and alone again
I walk silently down
Digitally paved streets
Of blackest titanium
Surrounded by tin trees
And steel butterflies
Technology in the masses
Observing the others
(if that is what I can call 'drones')
Run back and forth…
Back and forth –
Pendulum of life
A swinging guillotine
All of them succumbing
In life –
To what the afterlife does bring
And I …
I am configured
Conditioned –
To live my life
As if it were a second.
Apathy, indifference –
I do as I am told
… but what I am told
I feel I cannot do.
Such waste!
Such waste of life!
Designed not to be eternal
Yet slave for eternity
With only mortality
At your dispense
And slave impractically
Is that what is 'reality' ?
I hope that is not so…
At the end of the town, there was
A small dark patch of land
Littered with the obsolete
Those who are twice dead
And died many a time before that
Why? No one knows –
No one bothered to care –
And those that did care
Have died from their beginnings.
Is this where it all ends?
This pile of perfect minds
Forced to live imperfect lives
And died here for a cause?
But what cause? – who died? –
Brethren of my purpose
Of my passion –
The passion I have –
To breathe?
Is this what will become of dreams?
I drop down, and I cry.
A small dark patch of land
Littered with the obsolete
Those who are twice dead
And died many a time before that
Why? No one knows –
No one bothered to care –
And those that did care
Have died from their beginnings.
Is this where it all ends?
This pile of perfect minds
Forced to live imperfect lives
And died here for a cause?
But what cause? – who died? –
Brethren of my purpose
Of my passion –
The passion I have –
To breathe?
Is this what will become of dreams?
I drop down, and I cry.
Weeping -
Waiting -
Watching -
For my fate condemns me
Never I want
For such sedimentary life!
Take me on your black wings
Oh, beautiful angel of God
Oh, beautiful Death!
I beg you come take
This aching soul away
From such still unmoving body
Mechanical… that I loathe…
But Death grants no wish
Cruel as he is
And trapped here I am
Among the living dead
And those dead who once lived
Staring up into the void
That endless void of night
A single star shining
Shining over the dead
Bathing the grounds
In nurturing light
Wind blows gently through
My synthetic hair
Gracing me with its touch
So simulated like breath
The splendor!
To live where there was once life!
Filling that empty casket within!
Perhaps, I think, upon that star
There is life worth living
Its source so faint
The light regress
Leaving the darkness
Upon the steel city
And though blanketed in blackness
The fire rekindled anew
Journey to where we meet
Light, oh sacred star!
Waiting -
Watching -
For my fate condemns me
Never I want
For such sedimentary life!
Take me on your black wings
Oh, beautiful angel of God
Oh, beautiful Death!
I beg you come take
This aching soul away
From such still unmoving body
Mechanical… that I loathe…
But Death grants no wish
Cruel as he is
And trapped here I am
Among the living dead
And those dead who once lived
Staring up into the void
That endless void of night
A single star shining
Shining over the dead
Bathing the grounds
In nurturing light
Wind blows gently through
My synthetic hair
Gracing me with its touch
So simulated like breath
The splendor!
To live where there was once life!
Filling that empty casket within!
Perhaps, I think, upon that star
There is life worth living
Its source so faint
The light regress
Leaving the darkness
Upon the steel city
And though blanketed in blackness
The fire rekindled anew
Journey to where we meet
Light, oh sacred star!
One against all
I felt it too
Struggling against myself
In that pasture of the dead
… this world is not made
For people like me
This world cannot accept
But what world can?
Besides the world of Death…
Death, peaceful place…
Where no wars are waged - -
No… among living I would stay
For life is so short
A phrase in which we prepare
Our souls for what is to come
Continually living –
Continually dying –
Like vagrants we travel
From one reality to the next
How long had I gone on?
Where was my life now?
An organic engine
With virtual features
Soul of the machine
Where then, was a place for me?
- upon oh sacred star.
But to leave behind
What I know, is it worth it?
To travel unknown
To the unknown
I did not know
To give myself up, or to liberate
Break away those psychic chains
Turn away and start anew
I knew not what to find.
I felt it too
Struggling against myself
In that pasture of the dead
… this world is not made
For people like me
This world cannot accept
But what world can?
Besides the world of Death…
Death, peaceful place…
Where no wars are waged - -
No… among living I would stay
For life is so short
A phrase in which we prepare
Our souls for what is to come
Continually living –
Continually dying –
Like vagrants we travel
From one reality to the next
How long had I gone on?
Where was my life now?
An organic engine
With virtual features
Soul of the machine
Where then, was a place for me?
- upon oh sacred star.
But to leave behind
What I know, is it worth it?
To travel unknown
To the unknown
I did not know
To give myself up, or to liberate
Break away those psychic chains
Turn away and start anew
I knew not what to find.
Willing though I would go
How does one begin a journey
When he falls through eternity
Of blackness and law
Slow, methodical, torturous
Every day only to find
That the end of the tunnel
Is blacker than the beginning?
Continually climbing stairs
Living stairs of sorrow,
Joy, anger, and hope
Stepping across them all
Until he has reached the highest floor
And finds that though
He is now the heart of the beast
He has no control over Death.
The heart pumps constantly
Whether it wants to or not
Valiant organ...
Whipped by Time eternally
Until it is nothing more
Than dust…
To be the heart of the beast in hopes of liberty
And find you only continue
To slave, each and every day
Commanded by the others
When you thought that
You might have some control
I realize it now
There's no power in control
Nor control in power
So to free myself
I do not climb the staircase
I build it! –
Build it alone!
How does one begin a journey
When he falls through eternity
Of blackness and law
Slow, methodical, torturous
Every day only to find
That the end of the tunnel
Is blacker than the beginning?
Continually climbing stairs
Living stairs of sorrow,
Joy, anger, and hope
Stepping across them all
Until he has reached the highest floor
And finds that though
He is now the heart of the beast
He has no control over Death.
The heart pumps constantly
Whether it wants to or not
Valiant organ...
Whipped by Time eternally
Until it is nothing more
Than dust…
To be the heart of the beast in hopes of liberty
And find you only continue
To slave, each and every day
Commanded by the others
When you thought that
You might have some control
I realize it now
There's no power in control
Nor control in power
So to free myself
I do not climb the staircase
I build it! –
Build it alone!
Slavery of the soul
Is often mistaken as pleasure
But though I slaved
I found no thought of that
My mind focused on one thing
One single solitary thing
That became a calling
An instinct –
And dream I do
I yearned to breathe again
And that madness drove me on
Alone, among the dead who live
Who smile upon me
And this great achievement
That no engineer of machines
Could ever conceive
As I labored day and night
The living dead clamber to me
To only see me with chaffed hands
Molding materials that they
And their souls never see!
The few that can behold
Look upon in wonder
And with desire,
Pick up their tools
To help this dead beast breathe
This beast who was once a being
Transfigured in steel and carbon
To this great moving and laboring Death
Death, that not only kills itself....
Alone, I know I cannot
But together we can
And those who breathe
Will bask with me
In the dawning of a new era
To the next stage in life
Great tapestry of the ages
This spiral staircase take me!
Is often mistaken as pleasure
But though I slaved
I found no thought of that
My mind focused on one thing
One single solitary thing
That became a calling
An instinct –
And dream I do
I yearned to breathe again
And that madness drove me on
Alone, among the dead who live
Who smile upon me
And this great achievement
That no engineer of machines
Could ever conceive
As I labored day and night
The living dead clamber to me
To only see me with chaffed hands
Molding materials that they
And their souls never see!
The few that can behold
Look upon in wonder
And with desire,
Pick up their tools
To help this dead beast breathe
This beast who was once a being
Transfigured in steel and carbon
To this great moving and laboring Death
Death, that not only kills itself....
Alone, I know I cannot
But together we can
And those who breathe
Will bask with me
In the dawning of a new era
To the next stage in life
Great tapestry of the ages
This spiral staircase take me!
Spiral staircase
Neo-ancient architectural wonder
Built from nothingness
Built with dreams
And the dead wishes
Your crystalline elegance
Gleams brilliantly
Even in the burning pain
Under the torturous sun
The sun which brings life
And with life, there is pain
For how can we live
If we are not made
To suffer –
When the leopard first comes
Alive on the savannah
He knows nothing
Yet he knows suffering
The pangs that come with starvation
Natural of life
Forces him to hunt –
To live –
And now I'm on the hunt
Hunting still that ideal
Though I have no tooth nor nail
To hunt with?
I think not –
Instead –
I am the mind.
The gift of the gods
Graced upon mankind
Yet distorted with thought
And made of machine
The tooth-and-wheel brain
That's placed inside of me
That restrains me to breathe
That makes mankind –
A dull creature –
Which makes me so blessed
To have been 'a mistake'
My malfunctioned mind
Help me create
This staircase
With which I escape this prison
I build until I can build no more
And stand back to stare
But instead of stare, I gawk
Did I build that?
Did we build that?
Such beauty - !
Such marvel!
Harder than diamonds
Was this cloth of dreams
I drop my tools
And place my steel foot
On the first glass-like stair
Neo-ancient architectural wonder
Built from nothingness
Built with dreams
And the dead wishes
Your crystalline elegance
Gleams brilliantly
Even in the burning pain
Under the torturous sun
The sun which brings life
And with life, there is pain
For how can we live
If we are not made
To suffer –
When the leopard first comes
Alive on the savannah
He knows nothing
Yet he knows suffering
The pangs that come with starvation
Natural of life
Forces him to hunt –
To live –
And now I'm on the hunt
Hunting still that ideal
Though I have no tooth nor nail
To hunt with?
I think not –
Instead –
I am the mind.
The gift of the gods
Graced upon mankind
Yet distorted with thought
And made of machine
The tooth-and-wheel brain
That's placed inside of me
That restrains me to breathe
That makes mankind –
A dull creature –
Which makes me so blessed
To have been 'a mistake'
My malfunctioned mind
Help me create
This staircase
With which I escape this prison
I build until I can build no more
And stand back to stare
But instead of stare, I gawk
Did I build that?
Did we build that?
Such beauty - !
Such marvel!
Harder than diamonds
Was this cloth of dreams
I drop my tools
And place my steel foot
On the first glass-like stair
They say that things…
Never last forever
And neither do dreams
But when dreams
Are taken –
They last eternally.
And my hope to breath
My dream to live
Taken –
In awe of this
This desire to control
Thoughts –
Fears –
And the will to live
Standardized
The nerve of it
I would not stand
To have them beaten down
By the monetary, power-driven mind
… Spiral Staircase
Oppression-killing savior
I climb thee to save soul
We rise to a heaven on Earth.
Never last forever
And neither do dreams
But when dreams
Are taken –
They last eternally.
And my hope to breath
My dream to live
Taken –
In awe of this
This desire to control
Thoughts –
Fears –
And the will to live
Standardized
The nerve of it
I would not stand
To have them beaten down
By the monetary, power-driven mind
… Spiral Staircase
Oppression-killing savior
I climb thee to save soul
We rise to a heaven on Earth.
Monetary enjoys uniformity
And in a black and white society
Be it rectangular, cubical, or prismatic
Straight, like cloth and pattern
…. Any knots within
Make the tapestry hard to weave
And whether monetary admits it
He is often lazy
My kind tend to smile
At knots and twists within work
So when we tied his tapestry
We awoke the dragon
Spitting poison, and belching smoke
Heaving fire, and clawing at all living
The juggernauts surround again
All-opposing claw, he points at me
I, who despite his efforts
To control, would not control
The downfall of his amount to power
I smile at him –
Though walls of fire
Are all around me
Walking tall, and cheerfully
I contradict
As he, with the mouth of some
Benevolent scorpion
A true poet of lies
Shakes the sheepish people
To follow false nobility
… but I am no fool
I see right through him.
And I, a sleeping lioness,
Finally tire of games
And poise myself majestically
To strike - !
Countless hours,
Days, -
Weeks, -
Months and years
Of having such parasite
Upon my tawny tail
Wielding a grass-woven leash
To control me…
I had lost my patience
The dragon suddenly became
A lamb –
…but no innocence
So more accurately,
Hyena in lamb's hide
Hyena, dirty scavenger,
With teeth that crush
Even mightiest of bones
In pack, they easily best
A battle-worn lioness
Surrounded, I had no choice
Overwhelm again –
Caged again –
Again, alone.
And in a black and white society
Be it rectangular, cubical, or prismatic
Straight, like cloth and pattern
…. Any knots within
Make the tapestry hard to weave
And whether monetary admits it
He is often lazy
My kind tend to smile
At knots and twists within work
So when we tied his tapestry
We awoke the dragon
Spitting poison, and belching smoke
Heaving fire, and clawing at all living
The juggernauts surround again
All-opposing claw, he points at me
I, who despite his efforts
To control, would not control
The downfall of his amount to power
I smile at him –
Though walls of fire
Are all around me
Walking tall, and cheerfully
I contradict
As he, with the mouth of some
Benevolent scorpion
A true poet of lies
Shakes the sheepish people
To follow false nobility
… but I am no fool
I see right through him.
And I, a sleeping lioness,
Finally tire of games
And poise myself majestically
To strike - !
Countless hours,
Days, -
Weeks, -
Months and years
Of having such parasite
Upon my tawny tail
Wielding a grass-woven leash
To control me…
I had lost my patience
The dragon suddenly became
A lamb –
…but no innocence
So more accurately,
Hyena in lamb's hide
Hyena, dirty scavenger,
With teeth that crush
Even mightiest of bones
In pack, they easily best
A battle-worn lioness
Surrounded, I had no choice
Overwhelm again –
Caged again –
Again, alone.
Reform and rebirth
Ancient concept
Of Redemption
Brought to new light
With scalpel, saw, and screw
Reform? Yes –
They can all do
But rebirth…?
No –
Rebirth is not what can be done
Outside. Only inside.
And when you're looking inward
You think…
Of what to fix
But you realize not
That you are out
That the frame he has
To revise himself
And be reborn.
So much easier!
To see faults in others!
But not in ourselves
We blame another…
Fault, in ourselves
That power to change lives!
But so stubbornly,
We selfishly choose to control
No…
Two faults do lie
The fault observed-
And fault created
All because we try
To change what is to never change
When only creator can alter the machine
And the passerby tries to correct him…
Could never –
Will never –
Understand, unless willing to learn.
That, my dear friend,
Is the secret to peace.
Ancient concept
Of Redemption
Brought to new light
With scalpel, saw, and screw
Reform? Yes –
They can all do
But rebirth…?
No –
Rebirth is not what can be done
Outside. Only inside.
And when you're looking inward
You think…
Of what to fix
But you realize not
That you are out
That the frame he has
To revise himself
And be reborn.
So much easier!
To see faults in others!
But not in ourselves
We blame another…
Fault, in ourselves
That power to change lives!
But so stubbornly,
We selfishly choose to control
No…
Two faults do lie
The fault observed-
And fault created
All because we try
To change what is to never change
When only creator can alter the machine
And the passerby tries to correct him…
Could never –
Will never –
Understand, unless willing to learn.
That, my dear friend,
Is the secret to peace.
Kept within four
Of the darkest,
Ugliest,
Unsanitary walls.
They hoped to kill me
Choke on my own desire
My freedom
Breathe, until I could
Breathe no more.
Ah, graceful ballerina
Passionate and pure
Twirl upon the rose-colored toes
Across brilliantly lighted stage
And audience cheers
At your beauty –
Grace - !
Charm - !
You breathe in your success
Such wonders of life!
But no…
You bind yourself to another
Engage yourself in paper
Giving you what you love
And to keep it, forever keep it,
Forever work for he
Dance -! He doth cry
Dance until you bleed!
… I do not bleed
My dreams are bound to me
They cannot be caged
I won't allow it.
So though my body
Is trapped in walls
My dreams are free
And only bound to me
Of the darkest,
Ugliest,
Unsanitary walls.
They hoped to kill me
Choke on my own desire
My freedom
Breathe, until I could
Breathe no more.
Ah, graceful ballerina
Passionate and pure
Twirl upon the rose-colored toes
Across brilliantly lighted stage
And audience cheers
At your beauty –
Grace - !
Charm - !
You breathe in your success
Such wonders of life!
But no…
You bind yourself to another
Engage yourself in paper
Giving you what you love
And to keep it, forever keep it,
Forever work for he
Dance -! He doth cry
Dance until you bleed!
… I do not bleed
My dreams are bound to me
They cannot be caged
I won't allow it.
So though my body
Is trapped in walls
My dreams are free
And only bound to me
Monetary,
Supreme prison ward
Sneers at me beyond the bars
Cold unfeeling bars
Not meant for me,
Protecting me
Not keeping me in
Keeping the Sin out.
Protecting my dreams.
Sneering jesters,
Catcalling guards.
When did it occur to you
That by chaining me
You keep yourselves free?
When Monetary controls
Every aspect of your life
Bound to your creed…?
Bound to your duty…?
No –
You are bound to fear.
Poor souls,
I wish that I could
Give you the gift
To breathe –
Monetary talks of chaos
Talks as if it's me…
He talks about tomorrow
And today, which he built…
He envisions a bright future
Unmentioned it's his own
For all our 'fair' city
One of which –
Should not include me.
But in his words
I see suffering
A world of mindless -
Senseless -
Frigid machinery
And in his steely eyes
A long dusty destruction
One where once it's begun
There's nothing to be done
To stop it.
And once I am gone
Who will save them?
I can only pray
Pray to God.
Supreme prison ward
Sneers at me beyond the bars
Cold unfeeling bars
Not meant for me,
Protecting me
Not keeping me in
Keeping the Sin out.
Protecting my dreams.
Sneering jesters,
Catcalling guards.
When did it occur to you
That by chaining me
You keep yourselves free?
When Monetary controls
Every aspect of your life
Bound to your creed…?
Bound to your duty…?
No –
You are bound to fear.
Poor souls,
I wish that I could
Give you the gift
To breathe –
Monetary talks of chaos
Talks as if it's me…
He talks about tomorrow
And today, which he built…
He envisions a bright future
Unmentioned it's his own
For all our 'fair' city
One of which –
Should not include me.
But in his words
I see suffering
A world of mindless -
Senseless -
Frigid machinery
And in his steely eyes
A long dusty destruction
One where once it's begun
There's nothing to be done
To stop it.
And once I am gone
Who will save them?
I can only pray
Pray to God.
Death day is set
Since my birth,
It was set
I only have so long
To make my course through
The mighty river of life
But now it's accelerated
Time goes quickly by
And though I do not
Ever appear to age
I feel ancient.
Brought out of despair
And into a false light
Pulled up from the darkness
With rope around my neck
Chains at my wrists
Dogs biting at my heels
Mechanized demons
Screaming obscenities
And I think how ironic
That all has occurred
Because I longed
To breathe…
Podium of black titanium
My dying bed
And everyone has come
To see it –
There are no tears
No tears for the living
There is no sadness
Only maniacal joy
Perhaps I am not to live
Perhaps I only live to die
My life is nothing
My work is nothing
But my work meant something
Meant something to me.
Here it is…
Last moments of life
I never thought they would be
So full of terror
Terror, I can't explain.
Everything distorted
Fiery faces –
Already in Hell?
And Monetary,
Has wings –
Wings of flames!
Where and when
Am I - ?
The darkness becomes brighter
Blinding darkness
Becomes light
Is this the absolute?
The beginning of the night?
The night which I'll
Forever sleep
My dreams –
Forever suspend
Hanging limply
In the unconscious void
And then this world
Will end?
Gunpoint stare upon me now
Eyes seen beyond the grave
Where is that sweet angel of Death?
So insignificant am I
That Death not come
To reap the soul
Of forgotten me?
Since my birth,
It was set
I only have so long
To make my course through
The mighty river of life
But now it's accelerated
Time goes quickly by
And though I do not
Ever appear to age
I feel ancient.
Brought out of despair
And into a false light
Pulled up from the darkness
With rope around my neck
Chains at my wrists
Dogs biting at my heels
Mechanized demons
Screaming obscenities
And I think how ironic
That all has occurred
Because I longed
To breathe…
Podium of black titanium
My dying bed
And everyone has come
To see it –
There are no tears
No tears for the living
There is no sadness
Only maniacal joy
Perhaps I am not to live
Perhaps I only live to die
My life is nothing
My work is nothing
But my work meant something
Meant something to me.
Here it is…
Last moments of life
I never thought they would be
So full of terror
Terror, I can't explain.
Everything distorted
Fiery faces –
Already in Hell?
And Monetary,
Has wings –
Wings of flames!
Where and when
Am I - ?
The darkness becomes brighter
Blinding darkness
Becomes light
Is this the absolute?
The beginning of the night?
The night which I'll
Forever sleep
My dreams –
Forever suspend
Hanging limply
In the unconscious void
And then this world
Will end?
Gunpoint stare upon me now
Eyes seen beyond the grave
Where is that sweet angel of Death?
So insignificant am I
That Death not come
To reap the soul
Of forgotten me?
Though not dead,
But not alive
My senses leave me there
Time spin his wheel
So slowly now –
To savor my despair
When I once thought that
So brave –
And that I fear not Death
Realize –
How terrified –
I am of fatal shot
I close my eyes -
- I close my eyes
My whole body shutting down
But –
Where, that fatal shot?
Am I anticipating?
No –
Where there should be
A bone-searing cold
There is warmth
All around my aching body
Like a mole buried underground
Pursued by relentless foxes
Until he has nothing left
Wearily comes to the surface
When he hears no scratching above
The foxes, the others stopped
And now were staring upon me
But not only me –
Someone got in their way
Someone risked their life
To save mine…
And I was grateful.
Silently, pledging alliance
To my solitary savior.
But not alive
My senses leave me there
Time spin his wheel
So slowly now –
To savor my despair
When I once thought that
So brave –
And that I fear not Death
Realize –
How terrified –
I am of fatal shot
I close my eyes -
- I close my eyes
My whole body shutting down
But –
Where, that fatal shot?
Am I anticipating?
No –
Where there should be
A bone-searing cold
There is warmth
All around my aching body
Like a mole buried underground
Pursued by relentless foxes
Until he has nothing left
Wearily comes to the surface
When he hears no scratching above
The foxes, the others stopped
And now were staring upon me
But not only me –
Someone got in their way
Someone risked their life
To save mine…
And I was grateful.
Silently, pledging alliance
To my solitary savior.
In our darkest moments,
We selfishly think
That we are nothing
Alone –
No one knows our pain
Or ever could
Nor attempt to know.
In truth…
We push away those
Who try to love
To understand –
To forgive –
And to ease our grief.
But with predatory minds
Set in tempered steel skulls
As a race, a breed,
We truly are no different
Than beasts of legend.
The uniqueness!
Of say… the wolf
When separated, he
Will howl for nights
Upon end…
But the pack always finds
The one they have lost
And the lone one is glad.
But the human still grieves
Why? I do not know –
Mind, organic engine,
Always churning
Forbidden thought
- the wolf has no sin
- yet Man does
Wolf puts others before him
Man puts him before others
That must be it - !
Our evolution!
We selfishly think
That we are nothing
Alone –
No one knows our pain
Or ever could
Nor attempt to know.
In truth…
We push away those
Who try to love
To understand –
To forgive –
And to ease our grief.
But with predatory minds
Set in tempered steel skulls
As a race, a breed,
We truly are no different
Than beasts of legend.
The uniqueness!
Of say… the wolf
When separated, he
Will howl for nights
Upon end…
But the pack always finds
The one they have lost
And the lone one is glad.
But the human still grieves
Why? I do not know –
Mind, organic engine,
Always churning
Forbidden thought
- the wolf has no sin
- yet Man does
Wolf puts others before him
Man puts him before others
That must be it - !
Our evolution!
For the time being,
I was saved
My dearest friend
I knew not
Until then –
A bargain struck
Betwixt the two
My life for my death
His control for my revolt
Without strength,
I let my savior
Decide my fate,
- and she chose life.
Bargain two….
I remain silent
For that, he would
Stop his bloody crusade.
- and she chose life.
Guns lower
All silent
And I was taken
From my deathbed
- to somewhere safe?
Safe, no…
But away from there
Away from all else
Where I was to remain
Forever –
But…
The dream did not die
With me,
Nor with her.
I was saved
My dearest friend
I knew not
Until then –
A bargain struck
Betwixt the two
My life for my death
His control for my revolt
Without strength,
I let my savior
Decide my fate,
- and she chose life.
Bargain two….
I remain silent
For that, he would
Stop his bloody crusade.
- and she chose life.
Guns lower
All silent
And I was taken
From my deathbed
- to somewhere safe?
Safe, no…
But away from there
Away from all else
Where I was to remain
Forever –
But…
The dream did not die
With me,
Nor with her.
Chained upon white canvas
Bound hands and feet
In a white room
With steel floors
No destination
My mind wanders…
My lone friend enters
Looking hopeful
Kneeling upon the floor
Her eyes look deeply
Into mine –
And chain dissolve
They dissolve all
One by one…
She tells me that
The day has only begun
But that –
Life is not worth
Throwing away for
A revolution that no one
Can comprehend.
The dream was real
But in this world
Where all is controlled
I was alone.
Alone, a dream
Is just that… a dream…
Together,
It becomes reality.
Let them see how real
The dream to breathe can be.
There –
Would be freedom
And she would stand there
Beside me –
Bound hands and feet
In a white room
With steel floors
No destination
My mind wanders…
My lone friend enters
Looking hopeful
Kneeling upon the floor
Her eyes look deeply
Into mine –
And chain dissolve
They dissolve all
One by one…
She tells me that
The day has only begun
But that –
Life is not worth
Throwing away for
A revolution that no one
Can comprehend.
The dream was real
But in this world
Where all is controlled
I was alone.
Alone, a dream
Is just that… a dream…
Together,
It becomes reality.
Let them see how real
The dream to breathe can be.
There –
Would be freedom
And she would stand there
Beside me –
In nighttime,
I prowled.
Night where Silence
Is King of All
Together, we hunt
For Spiral Staircase
-we find it easily.
Emitting the glow of
Immortal dreams
Dreams that only
Believers can see
But instead of open and free
As intended
My masterpiece
Guarded selfishly
Behind an iron gate
Oh, hateful gate
The rage in me
I would tear it down
Right then and now
Stampede upon it - !
Bleed and ravish it - !
-upon its metallic touch
I let out an agonizing scream
Pain, intolerable pain
Poison in my veins
And all I wanted then
Was to escape
But the harder I tried –
The tighter it bound me
Constricting me
So tight, I could not breathe.
Searing pain –
I wanted to die
But I could not die
Like a soldier
Fighting for country
Others do depend
Whether they abuse me or not
Depend on me
For their safety.
God, I could not die.
I kept telling myself that.
But oh, how I wanted it to end
… no, you will not die.
Taking me gently by the hand
She helped ease
That screaming pain
Pain which I would remember
As the price of liberty
I prowled.
Night where Silence
Is King of All
Together, we hunt
For Spiral Staircase
-we find it easily.
Emitting the glow of
Immortal dreams
Dreams that only
Believers can see
But instead of open and free
As intended
My masterpiece
Guarded selfishly
Behind an iron gate
Oh, hateful gate
The rage in me
I would tear it down
Right then and now
Stampede upon it - !
Bleed and ravish it - !
-upon its metallic touch
I let out an agonizing scream
Pain, intolerable pain
Poison in my veins
And all I wanted then
Was to escape
But the harder I tried –
The tighter it bound me
Constricting me
So tight, I could not breathe.
Searing pain –
I wanted to die
But I could not die
Like a soldier
Fighting for country
Others do depend
Whether they abuse me or not
Depend on me
For their safety.
God, I could not die.
I kept telling myself that.
But oh, how I wanted it to end
… no, you will not die.
Taking me gently by the hand
She helped ease
That screaming pain
Pain which I would remember
As the price of liberty
Standing back from iron gate
Staring behind iron bars
Leaking tears of the heart
Masterpiece broke away
My work gone to waste?
No, I would win it back
I swore I would
But now was not the time
For now –
I was the shadows
Quietly, I wander
From each cubical quarter
For street be my home…
Catch Monetary red-handed
Catch the key to
Oh, dreadful iron gate
My objective set
And now, only to find.
Where are you?
Oh, destroyer of dreams
Oh, murderer of hopes
Controller of life
Artificial God
Where is that realm?
Hellish realm that you so rule
Hellish realm, I am a part
Though I am here
I am too blind to see it
Blind to your greed –
I will be blind no more
I will find you
And instead of succumb to you
You will succumb to me.
Staring behind iron bars
Leaking tears of the heart
Masterpiece broke away
My work gone to waste?
No, I would win it back
I swore I would
But now was not the time
For now –
I was the shadows
Quietly, I wander
From each cubical quarter
For street be my home…
Catch Monetary red-handed
Catch the key to
Oh, dreadful iron gate
My objective set
And now, only to find.
Where are you?
Oh, destroyer of dreams
Oh, murderer of hopes
Controller of life
Artificial God
Where is that realm?
Hellish realm that you so rule
Hellish realm, I am a part
Though I am here
I am too blind to see it
Blind to your greed –
I will be blind no more
I will find you
And instead of succumb to you
You will succumb to me.
Monetary lair
Adorned with the spoils
Of his past slaughters
Sitting upon his fur-lined throne
Looking young, yet grieved
Like caught by the Abraxas of Time
Suspend one year of your life
For the past twenty years
Beginning of Monetary's rule
His face, it had not changed
And then was I empathic
To one who so abused me?
Empathic and enraged
He shuffles, I silence
He drinks of wine; I drip of sweat
The two of us hunger
But the two of us…
More alike that we seem
We chase –
For our Promised Land
Staring at him through dark air vents
The lash of synthetic wind on my back
I begin to wonder
Exactly why am I fighting?
Why -?
Did I build that spire of dreams…
No answer come to me
I leave it there
My quest is dead, and I -
Well, I go home…
But the word did come
Freedom –
A world with
No black walls
And the desire
To breathe –
And Monetary, his of
Promised power
All control and proper
Order and law
Absolutes –
A regular mathematician
X is equal to Y
When X is one
When Y is one
Always has –
Always will –
… or so they say
On a different turn,
X cannot be equal to Y
When both are one
Because X is X
And Y is Y
Each unique –
Each prosper –
Each given different name
No one the same
And we are all the same.
His rules of uniform thought
Make little sense to me
Why be different then
If we are all the same?
Is that what he's saying?
Is that what I'm saying?
Absolute algebra
Philosopher of law
Chronic, conic, critic
Life-giving function
Differentiability
Adorned with the spoils
Of his past slaughters
Sitting upon his fur-lined throne
Looking young, yet grieved
Like caught by the Abraxas of Time
Suspend one year of your life
For the past twenty years
Beginning of Monetary's rule
His face, it had not changed
And then was I empathic
To one who so abused me?
Empathic and enraged
He shuffles, I silence
He drinks of wine; I drip of sweat
The two of us hunger
But the two of us…
More alike that we seem
We chase –
For our Promised Land
Staring at him through dark air vents
The lash of synthetic wind on my back
I begin to wonder
Exactly why am I fighting?
Why -?
Did I build that spire of dreams…
No answer come to me
I leave it there
My quest is dead, and I -
Well, I go home…
But the word did come
Freedom –
A world with
No black walls
And the desire
To breathe –
And Monetary, his of
Promised power
All control and proper
Order and law
Absolutes –
A regular mathematician
X is equal to Y
When X is one
When Y is one
Always has –
Always will –
… or so they say
On a different turn,
X cannot be equal to Y
When both are one
Because X is X
And Y is Y
Each unique –
Each prosper –
Each given different name
No one the same
And we are all the same.
His rules of uniform thought
Make little sense to me
Why be different then
If we are all the same?
Is that what he's saying?
Is that what I'm saying?
Absolute algebra
Philosopher of law
Chronic, conic, critic
Life-giving function
Differentiability
Fat cigar smoking
Ashes haphazard on the floor
Stirring them with a cane
Embers dying down
Hazy gray atmosphere
The Devil dressed in satin
And I watch him alone
And feeling hatred
In my hypocritical throat
Feeling empathy
In my clockwork heart
Feeling pain
In my tempered limbs
Confusion arouse
In this simple
Yet complicated mind
For once in my life
I am helpless
I am unsure.
Revolution
A change in me?
A change in the world?
Is it right?
This man, whom I have hated
Who locked away
My precious desires
Built this world; this city
That I call home!
And should I be unhappy that he…
Helped subtly, to give me live
Building the hospital
Where I was born
Is it really a foolish notion
To breathe - ?
What am I fighting for?
Ashes haphazard on the floor
Stirring them with a cane
Embers dying down
Hazy gray atmosphere
The Devil dressed in satin
And I watch him alone
And feeling hatred
In my hypocritical throat
Feeling empathy
In my clockwork heart
Feeling pain
In my tempered limbs
Confusion arouse
In this simple
Yet complicated mind
For once in my life
I am helpless
I am unsure.
Revolution
A change in me?
A change in the world?
Is it right?
This man, whom I have hated
Who locked away
My precious desires
Built this world; this city
That I call home!
And should I be unhappy that he…
Helped subtly, to give me live
Building the hospital
Where I was born
Is it really a foolish notion
To breathe - ?
What am I fighting for?
Slit his throat - !
Slit it now!
The Devil in me is screaming
And the hand where I hold
That double-bladed knife
Quivers… cutting into my palm
My savior friend turn to me
Why hasn't the revolution begun?
It all begins with me, I know
Do you not really believe?
I do not know what to believe
Crush him - !
Crush him now!
Demons tearing at me from inside out
He killed you! He killed you!
Send him to us in Hell!
Let him suffer what you suffer!
-but an arm's length away!
My hands could grasp his neck
My knife could plunge deep
Deep - ! Into his soul
… if such machinery
Can have a soul at all.
Slit it now!
The Devil in me is screaming
And the hand where I hold
That double-bladed knife
Quivers… cutting into my palm
My savior friend turn to me
Why hasn't the revolution begun?
It all begins with me, I know
Do you not really believe?
I do not know what to believe
Crush him - !
Crush him now!
Demons tearing at me from inside out
He killed you! He killed you!
Send him to us in Hell!
Let him suffer what you suffer!
-but an arm's length away!
My hands could grasp his neck
My knife could plunge deep
Deep - ! Into his soul
… if such machinery
Can have a soul at all.
Surgery
Where one twitch
One involuntary motion
Can seal person's fate
I let knife drop
Ringing like a bell
Against the cold floor
Tolling long dark notes
Filling the room
- filling my heart
Savior turn to stare
What am I doing?
Where is this place?
Her eyes streaming
With boiling hot tears
Teeth grit in anger
And fists clenched in uncertainty
This was my chance!
And I threw vengeance away
…you know what they say,
How one's old refuse
Can become someone's treasure
Diving downward –
Hurling towards Death
She took up the knife
And downward it flew
Gouging –
Piercing –
Eyes wide with madness
I watched all in horror
My dreams taken
Down such a hateful road!
A road I had not planned
That I would go…
Where one twitch
One involuntary motion
Can seal person's fate
I let knife drop
Ringing like a bell
Against the cold floor
Tolling long dark notes
Filling the room
- filling my heart
Savior turn to stare
What am I doing?
Where is this place?
Her eyes streaming
With boiling hot tears
Teeth grit in anger
And fists clenched in uncertainty
This was my chance!
And I threw vengeance away
…you know what they say,
How one's old refuse
Can become someone's treasure
Diving downward –
Hurling towards Death
She took up the knife
And downward it flew
Gouging –
Piercing –
Eyes wide with madness
I watched all in horror
My dreams taken
Down such a hateful road!
A road I had not planned
That I would go…
Selfishness does not die
Merely locked away
In some golden cage
By the noble –
Locked in stone –
By the weary –
Some walk it on
Strange extendable leashes
Where it is free
To deface what it pleases
There's no limit to madness.
But what is feared the most
Are not the noble, the weary, or the selfish
But the patient…
And the trodden on…
Who keep the beast
Locked so far away
In the strongest bars
That when they release
All those struggles
Forced upon them –
And only pain to show for it.
When those prison bars
Finally burst from strain –
They cause more destruction
Than the noble
More sadness –
Than the weary
And more chaos –
Than those who control it.
And their mass exodus
May free them from others
But they enslave themselves
Adding chain upon chain
Until they are motionless
A statue in the park of Time!
- That was what she was.
Merely locked away
In some golden cage
By the noble –
Locked in stone –
By the weary –
Some walk it on
Strange extendable leashes
Where it is free
To deface what it pleases
There's no limit to madness.
But what is feared the most
Are not the noble, the weary, or the selfish
But the patient…
And the trodden on…
Who keep the beast
Locked so far away
In the strongest bars
That when they release
All those struggles
Forced upon them –
And only pain to show for it.
When those prison bars
Finally burst from strain –
They cause more destruction
Than the noble
More sadness –
Than the weary
And more chaos –
Than those who control it.
And their mass exodus
May free them from others
But they enslave themselves
Adding chain upon chain
Until they are motionless
A statue in the park of Time!
- That was what she was.
Devil incarnate
Consume the soul
Leave blood in the wake
Of your short-lived rise
A reckless angel
Left with tainted tears
A cry so remorseful –
So insincere –
When the dawn broke
Walls of gore,
And floors metallic red
Drip slowly from the throat
Nectar of gods
Like live-giving spring
On such unholy ground
Innocent in last moments
Eyes wide with terror
Lamb on the altar
Severed head on the floor
I was assured
'twas a wolf
No force above
Or below, acknowledge.
She was motionless
Not trained to bear
Such heavy chains
Vengeance dies quickly
A smothered flame
Suffocated and burnt
To where, there's nothing
To catch whatever pyromaniac
Bring to spark
Where dreams are kindled and fed
To great obedient bonfire
Burn brightly in darkened sky
So all flock to it
But most, we feed the darkness
She realized this too
But epiphany was too late
Sin rears his ugly head
And strike –
The fangs drive deep into the heart
Like that judgmental knife
I know what hatred is
Innocence is gone
Who is the wolf now?
Consume the soul
Leave blood in the wake
Of your short-lived rise
A reckless angel
Left with tainted tears
A cry so remorseful –
So insincere –
When the dawn broke
Walls of gore,
And floors metallic red
Drip slowly from the throat
Nectar of gods
Like live-giving spring
On such unholy ground
Innocent in last moments
Eyes wide with terror
Lamb on the altar
Severed head on the floor
I was assured
'twas a wolf
No force above
Or below, acknowledge.
She was motionless
Not trained to bear
Such heavy chains
Vengeance dies quickly
A smothered flame
Suffocated and burnt
To where, there's nothing
To catch whatever pyromaniac
Bring to spark
Where dreams are kindled and fed
To great obedient bonfire
Burn brightly in darkened sky
So all flock to it
But most, we feed the darkness
She realized this too
But epiphany was too late
Sin rears his ugly head
And strike –
The fangs drive deep into the heart
Like that judgmental knife
I know what hatred is
Innocence is gone
Who is the wolf now?
With his body gone,
The structure begins to crumble
The earth below is raging
Life running in chaos
And yet life doesn't.
Life is motionless
She lets herself stay.
Come with me - !
She seemed not to hear
I grabbed at her wrist
And though it pulse
Great life-giving nectar
Tubular branching veins
Freezing cold
Frozen by Time
Walls come crashing down
Hell brews over
Fire all over –
She would not move.
Wrapping one lifeless arm
Around my shoulders
The skin frozen
Frostbitten against my own
Incinerating –
Furnace –
And frostbitten.
I barely escaped
We barely escaped
But she has not escaped
Part of her still trapped
Frozen in the furnace
The structure begins to crumble
The earth below is raging
Life running in chaos
And yet life doesn't.
Life is motionless
She lets herself stay.
Come with me - !
She seemed not to hear
I grabbed at her wrist
And though it pulse
Great life-giving nectar
Tubular branching veins
Freezing cold
Frozen by Time
Walls come crashing down
Hell brews over
Fire all over –
She would not move.
Wrapping one lifeless arm
Around my shoulders
The skin frozen
Frostbitten against my own
Incinerating –
Furnace –
And frostbitten.
I barely escaped
We barely escaped
But she has not escaped
Part of her still trapped
Frozen in the furnace
Revenge
Coarse in texture and yet
Sweet in taste
Or so they say
And now with its core dead
My 'revenge' –
Complete?
That's what she kept saying
But the more she said it,
The sourer it became
Leaving the aftertaste of Sin
Brimstone and despair
Never did I imagine
Such catastrophe to happen
And never did I want
My friend in such despair
And though I won
I only feel loss
Repent –
Repent –
But no amount of that
Can ever stop the aching…
The throbbing pain
In my mind and heart
What do I do now?
Having become my enemy
A sweet taste to destroy
What others create
I hardly think so….
I crave not for sweets.
Coarse in texture and yet
Sweet in taste
Or so they say
And now with its core dead
My 'revenge' –
Complete?
That's what she kept saying
But the more she said it,
The sourer it became
Leaving the aftertaste of Sin
Brimstone and despair
Never did I imagine
Such catastrophe to happen
And never did I want
My friend in such despair
And though I won
I only feel loss
Repent –
Repent –
But no amount of that
Can ever stop the aching…
The throbbing pain
In my mind and heart
What do I do now?
Having become my enemy
A sweet taste to destroy
What others create
I hardly think so….
I crave not for sweets.
There is no gate
To stop me now
To distant star
I could fly
And never look back
On such desolate world
But…
-I can't.
I can't leave her here
In such despair
I've begged,
I've pleaded,
I've encouraged.
Yes, what you've done…
It was horrible
But you can't waste your life
Because of one sin
Repent, Forgive, Go on
I told her that
But nothing I said
Ever got through
-and I start to think
What have I done?
I've destroyed her
Destroyed her in order to breathe?
Please tell me it isn't so.
With the key to her chains
Lying flat in her palm
She cares not to release
Those beautiful wings
Tinged with blood, yes
But not condemned
No, not condemned
They'll come for her
She knows they will
But she will not run
… she says no need to.
- I want to save you
But how can I?
How can I make you understand?
That if I am to do,
What you did for me
You have to be willing to go.
By destroying you,
I have destroyed myself
Caught up in endless torment
Is my soul.
Trapped again,
Alone again,
With but an animate corpse
By my side
And I hate to describe
But you must realize
That since the murder
That is what you have became
Killed by my lying knife
Who spoke sweet words of liberty
Caught up in endless night
In a light you cannot see
And it racks at my mind
As to how I set you free
You who were so much like me
In a second - !
You transformed drastically
And now…
You are a completely different species!
Well, what to do now?
Nothing's turned out like it should
And at my heart, the sorrow bites
I hope there's time
To set things right…
To stop me now
To distant star
I could fly
And never look back
On such desolate world
But…
-I can't.
I can't leave her here
In such despair
I've begged,
I've pleaded,
I've encouraged.
Yes, what you've done…
It was horrible
But you can't waste your life
Because of one sin
Repent, Forgive, Go on
I told her that
But nothing I said
Ever got through
-and I start to think
What have I done?
I've destroyed her
Destroyed her in order to breathe?
Please tell me it isn't so.
With the key to her chains
Lying flat in her palm
She cares not to release
Those beautiful wings
Tinged with blood, yes
But not condemned
No, not condemned
They'll come for her
She knows they will
But she will not run
… she says no need to.
- I want to save you
But how can I?
How can I make you understand?
That if I am to do,
What you did for me
You have to be willing to go.
By destroying you,
I have destroyed myself
Caught up in endless torment
Is my soul.
Trapped again,
Alone again,
With but an animate corpse
By my side
And I hate to describe
But you must realize
That since the murder
That is what you have became
Killed by my lying knife
Who spoke sweet words of liberty
Caught up in endless night
In a light you cannot see
And it racks at my mind
As to how I set you free
You who were so much like me
In a second - !
You transformed drastically
And now…
You are a completely different species!
Well, what to do now?
Nothing's turned out like it should
And at my heart, the sorrow bites
I hope there's time
To set things right…
The answer came
As I dreamt
You and me,
Me and you
Dreaming of what could have been
I dreamt that I did something great
And in return, I sealed my fate
Regardless of such consequence,
I do this for my conscience
No more would I destroy
And instead build up your life
And Spiral Staircase, you will climb
Tonight, I make my sacrifice
As I dreamt
You and me,
Me and you
Dreaming of what could have been
I dreamt that I did something great
And in return, I sealed my fate
Regardless of such consequence,
I do this for my conscience
No more would I destroy
And instead build up your life
And Spiral Staircase, you will climb
Tonight, I make my sacrifice
'twas I! 'twas I!
Running in the streets
'twas I! I cry
who killed Monetary
Come chase me down!
Star-craving mad
Oh yes, that's I!
At once, she stirred
And ran into the main
Where I did stand
Surrounded all around
They laughed, they cried!
They were joyous they had found
They had caught the criminal
For years, had been running wild
At once, distressed –
But also amazed
No, you can't!
You raving lunatic!
Don't do this for me!
Your life means so much more
Than mine. This blame isn't yours.
She pushes through the angry mob
No, 'twas I - !
You silly girl, 'twas I! -
I killed Monetary –
No you did not! I did! –
What are you talking about? –
-'twas I who committed such a crime!
Like a chess match; back and forth
Their eyes dart this way and that
And voice boom out of angry crowd
Who did it?!
- who killed him?!
And both answered…
'twas I!
Running in the streets
'twas I! I cry
who killed Monetary
Come chase me down!
Star-craving mad
Oh yes, that's I!
At once, she stirred
And ran into the main
Where I did stand
Surrounded all around
They laughed, they cried!
They were joyous they had found
They had caught the criminal
For years, had been running wild
At once, distressed –
But also amazed
No, you can't!
You raving lunatic!
Don't do this for me!
Your life means so much more
Than mine. This blame isn't yours.
She pushes through the angry mob
No, 'twas I - !
You silly girl, 'twas I! -
I killed Monetary –
No you did not! I did! –
What are you talking about? –
-'twas I who committed such a crime!
Like a chess match; back and forth
Their eyes dart this way and that
And voice boom out of angry crowd
Who did it?!
- who killed him?!
And both answered…
'twas I!
In her moment of dark despair,
My heart filled with joy to see
A smile break across her face
In so unusual a place
My life of sorrow melt away!
My new life, the dawn does rise
And for the first time,
Since so very long,
I felt the feeling of breath again
In ecstasy, I laugh.
What laughter was before,
- I did not know
Was it this?
was this what I yearn for?
To prison they took us
Hand in hand
Who told truth and other lie
Back to tall black walls
Back to iron gate
Where clockwork people
Leading clockwork lives
Live with no debate
I was taken back to that place
Oh, dreadful place
Which once so loathed
And now so insignificant
Now that I was found
Breath in life, breath in spirit
Breath all around yet unable to see
It took someone's help for me to be
In happiness, where Spiral Staircase
Would lead me away
My heart filled with joy to see
A smile break across her face
In so unusual a place
My life of sorrow melt away!
My new life, the dawn does rise
And for the first time,
Since so very long,
I felt the feeling of breath again
In ecstasy, I laugh.
What laughter was before,
- I did not know
Was it this?
was this what I yearn for?
To prison they took us
Hand in hand
Who told truth and other lie
Back to tall black walls
Back to iron gate
Where clockwork people
Leading clockwork lives
Live with no debate
I was taken back to that place
Oh, dreadful place
Which once so loathed
And now so insignificant
Now that I was found
Breath in life, breath in spirit
Breath all around yet unable to see
It took someone's help for me to be
In happiness, where Spiral Staircase
Would lead me away
The years have passed
Both her and I
And still the staircase stands
The iron gates surrounding it
Have all gone to rust –
All gone to rust –
Grasp firmly in the hand
They shattered.
For first time in many years
Step upon the hollowed ground
Littered with gore, and yet,
-sacred to us all.
Walk softly on the ashen soil
Walk slowly through the haze
Crystalline glow does lead me
Here. Home again.
Magnificent Spira Mirabilis
Still as if new,
If not brighter
- if not brighter
Strange, I had not seen her
Not since that fateful day
Even though chained
- carried away
Without a word for years
She remembers me
- remembers me fondly
Waiting there
Beside the first step
Smiling at me
She's been waiting
All this time
And now its come.
Neither one know what to say
What to think, what to do
Are you ready for the final ascent
To distant star you dreamt of
And leave the only place you know
Behind?
Though little terror in my heart
Terror in my mind
Fearing, like human, of thing unknown
I slipped my hand into hers
Yes, I'm ready now
Then we'll go…
Shakily, I take my first step
Swiftly, there comes the second
And swifter and swifter
-we climb
The dark city becoming
Nothing below us
All fade in an
Iridescent light
Staring into the void below
That mass of fragmented dreams
Monetary stare up at me
Severed head atop the pile
And it does smile
I smile back…
I turn and face the light
Brilliant star, shine down on me
Here, I'll be who I want to be
This is what becomes of dreams…
Both her and I
And still the staircase stands
The iron gates surrounding it
Have all gone to rust –
All gone to rust –
Grasp firmly in the hand
They shattered.
For first time in many years
Step upon the hollowed ground
Littered with gore, and yet,
-sacred to us all.
Walk softly on the ashen soil
Walk slowly through the haze
Crystalline glow does lead me
Here. Home again.
Magnificent Spira Mirabilis
Still as if new,
If not brighter
- if not brighter
Strange, I had not seen her
Not since that fateful day
Even though chained
- carried away
Without a word for years
She remembers me
- remembers me fondly
Waiting there
Beside the first step
Smiling at me
She's been waiting
All this time
And now its come.
Neither one know what to say
What to think, what to do
Are you ready for the final ascent
To distant star you dreamt of
And leave the only place you know
Behind?
Though little terror in my heart
Terror in my mind
Fearing, like human, of thing unknown
I slipped my hand into hers
Yes, I'm ready now
Then we'll go…
Shakily, I take my first step
Swiftly, there comes the second
And swifter and swifter
-we climb
The dark city becoming
Nothing below us
All fade in an
Iridescent light
Staring into the void below
That mass of fragmented dreams
Monetary stare up at me
Severed head atop the pile
And it does smile
I smile back…
I turn and face the light
Brilliant star, shine down on me
Here, I'll be who I want to be
This is what becomes of dreams…
Not knowing where you're going
Together we travel
Walk the path of life
Solve one mystery at a time
Though only mortal and imperfect
We share something important
A thing no ancient god could hold
We know what it means to live
To live – to show compassion,
To know happiness and sorrow,
To be angered and to anger
To make mistakes and learn
To seek for something more
To dream about something greater
And to make that dream reality
It seems like such a long road
Indeed, the path of life is long
And made alone can be longer than it is
But made together, we learn to love
And the road merrier, not shorter.
Some will say that Time is short
Why make life shorter than it is?
Life is short…
So strive for the sky!
And together we seek the land
Where dreams are of the essence
Where nightmares come to an end
And when life comes to that end
On yonder gleaming star.
Together we travel
Walk the path of life
Solve one mystery at a time
Though only mortal and imperfect
We share something important
A thing no ancient god could hold
We know what it means to live
To live – to show compassion,
To know happiness and sorrow,
To be angered and to anger
To make mistakes and learn
To seek for something more
To dream about something greater
And to make that dream reality
It seems like such a long road
Indeed, the path of life is long
And made alone can be longer than it is
But made together, we learn to love
And the road merrier, not shorter.
Some will say that Time is short
Why make life shorter than it is?
Life is short…
So strive for the sky!
And together we seek the land
Where dreams are of the essence
Where nightmares come to an end
And when life comes to that end
On yonder gleaming star.
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